What’s in a name?

We live in a world with some very interesting names and I’ve come across some some doozies in my lifetime. Some of the more memorable names still ingrained in my mind include:

  • Apple, the “Granny Smith” child of actress Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay’s Chris Martin
  • Coco, the “chocolate powder drink” daughter of actors Courteney Cox and David Arquette
  • Kyd, “the kid” of actors David Duchovny and Tea Leoni
  • Free, the “land of the” son of Barbara Hershey and David Carradine
  • North, the “compass” daughter of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

Setting aside my ignorance that I confused “North West” with a compass and that I originally thought it was a boy, these names are flat out ridiculous. Fortunately for the children of famous celebrities, they’ll grow up with silver spoons and deep pockets, and the insensitive remarks they hear from their rich friends with equally bizarre names are either nonexistent or discarded without thought. I mean, what provides a child more comfort and security than an endless supply of gold-plated iPads, high-end cell phones, home entertainment centers and other luxuries?

But for those of us who live in the real world where children pick on and bully other kids because their parents gave them a weird name, the kids aren’t exactly being aided for an already difficult adolescence that awaits them.

Enter Exhibit Q: a baby in France was given the name “Nutella”, the brand name for a hazelnut chocolate spread. Nothing against Nutella the product, which I happen to enjoy, but Nutella the human just isn’t going to cut the mustard — er, chocolate, as the case may be.

Fortunately, a local judge renamed the child Ella after ruling that Nutella wasn’t in the child’s best interest.

According to a translation from Time.com, this was the court’s decision: “The name ‘Nutella’ given to the child is the trade name of a spread. And it is contrary to the child’s interest to be wearing a name like that can only lead to teasing or disparaging thoughts.”

Simply put. Well put. Parents: think ahead.